A New Mom and Postpartum Depression

What is PPD? Why most new moms experience postpartum depression after the child's birth? How did I recognize and overcome it?

Postpartum isn't a sign of a flaw or a weakness. Sometimes it's simply a complication of giving birth. I wasn't very open about this at first, but I realized that many moms might need to know or even to those pregnant who needs to be aware about the symptoms and causes. I didn't know that postpartum depression was serious until I experience it myself. I hope this will be a help to all moms out there experiencing it, or even to those feeling it yet doesn't know how to recognize.

According to research approximately 70% to 80% of women in United States, and 65% in Asia every year experience at a minimum 'baby blues'. However many of these women will experience the more severe condition of postpartum depression or related condition. A recent study found that 1 in 7 women experience PPD the year after giving birth. Most new moms experience postpartum or "baby blues" after childbirth which commonly include anxiety, mood swings, difficulty sleeping and crying spells. Baby blues typically begins within the first to three days after delivery and may last up to two weeks. But most new moms experience more severe, long-lasting form of depression also known as postpartum depression.

It was a traumatic delivery experience. 14th of February 2019 (My due date) evening after our valentines date when I started feeling contraction. After 48 hours we decided to do C-Section to save me and our baby.February 16, 2019 at exactly 7:00pm, our baby girl was born. It was a perfect moment for all of us. I couldn't express the joy that mixed with body pains. We took our baby girl home from the hospital after 5 days. A week later I was brought back to ER because my blood pressure went up and I was feeling so dizzy. I could tell that time that my body went through a lot but I was trying to be strong because my baby needed me. 2 weeks later my husband and I were in the kitchen he was holding our baby while I was cutting fruits. I told him that a weird thought came to mind but I was totally aware it was wrong. I told him that I was thinking of stabbing him using the knife I was holding but I told him that I wouldn't do it. It was just so weird that all of a sudden it came to mind. My husband asked me to leave the kitchen right after I told him that and took me to our room to rest. I was very open to him what was running on my mind. We called our friend to tell her more thoughts I had in mind,I told her that there were more things I was so anxious about scared of loosing my baby, I was scared of not feeding her, I had a lot of what if's. I was so anxious every time I was holding her because it seems like I'll drop her accidentally. I didn't want anyone to help me taking care of her. I was very emotional whenever my husband asked me to let her sleeps with him in the other room. I refused to get helped and was always sad and mad at my husband. We knew there must be something more than just postpartum. We were told by our family to see my OB again to consult about postpartum depression, or I might need a prescription. We made an appointment right away and yes it was a postpartum depression. He explained that my body went through a lot, actually as a woman in general during pregnancy and after giving birth. Our brain chemical might take a little time or a little while to get back to normal. I was given a prescription. Believe me or not it lasted for almost 10 months and the reason was I became very in denial about having it and refused to take my medicine. My husband even took an effort to get me a counseling sessions. I had a lot of break downs, I was feeling tired and unmotivated everyday. I honestly felt bad for my husband but I was so lucky that he was chosen for me. He is the most understanding person I know and never raised his voice towards me even though I was getting crazier.

It was hard to get motivated to be healed especially when you are not thinking about yourself all the time. However I came to the point that I needed to do something especially on my part. People around me showed their love and support, they never failed to remind me to take my meds and even to be happy. I decided to bring back who I was, I wanted to be as bubbly as I was, I wanted to be funny again, I wanted to be happy. With the help of my amazing husband and family I decided to discipline myself. I set my reminders for my medication everyday, I tried my best to be busy and did what I like to do such as, baking, shopping, driving around, my husband even supported me to get back to work and to travel wherever I wanted to go. I prayed that God will help me to find reasons to be happy each day.

Nothing is impossible if we help ourselves and allow people to help us. Postpartum depression might be different to everyone but we can always learn to first, recognize it and then get help. I can tell that I am back to who I wanted to be now. I am happy and grateful that I am a MOM. I hope that those who are suffering PPD will find my experience a motivation to try everyday. You can't take care of your little one and family if you don't take care of yourself first. Have faith and please choose to be happy.